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February 8, 2013
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the grass in eden is
trampled

& never grows

he is a stranger
to the wet warm seasons
& jackal nights

she is an animal
bitten
& sucking the venom
for single's awareness day...more to come
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:iconivorysinkshore:
ivorysinkshore Mar 11, 2013  Student Writer
Interesting. The way I saw it was, the boy was the innocent one and the girl wasn't. I liked that "twist" on gender stereotypes and all. This poem was quite entertaining and a bit humorous how it was played out in my head (the boy was kinda just dressed up all nice, wore nerdy clothes but hasa face of a jock. the girl looked like a better bella from twilight. ) It seemed to me like the boy was trying this new thing that the girl does every night as well. What I got from "this new thing" was 'hooking-up'.
Very interesting read. So short, but still packed in a lot. I like it a lot!
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:icontubefed:
tubefed Mar 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:meow: I tried to put a spin on Biblical allusions. So many people use them darkly...>.>' I can see why though--religion tends to be kind of a...heavy...subject.

I wasn't really going with humor with this one, but those images in your head are waaayyy different than mine. I was sitting there thinking of the loss of innocence (the grass being trampled and not growing back), a dangerous sex-addiction (the girl was "bitten" [if you catch my drift -pervy me-] and is trying hurriedly to rid herself of the "venom" [by the way, sucking the venom of a rattlesnake doesn't help, if you've ever heard that]), and an allusion to Satan (the jackal.) o^o But, it's poetry, and the interpretation varies wildly with the person. (Trust me, I'm doing a research paper for my AP Lit. class now...and damn these people are contradicting.)

So, overall, thanks a whole bunch of bananas (I don't know) for the comment. :heart: I love them. :meow:
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:iconivorysinkshore:
ivorysinkshore Mar 11, 2013  Student Writer
I can really see that, the meaning that you meant for it. I love your original meaning, really - it's so cool and interesting! it adds more definition to your poem. :)

(i've been wanting to try to write a religious poem myself lately...)

You're ver welcome with a whole bunch of bananas. :la: I'm glad you do! :)
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:icontubefed:
tubefed Mar 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks. :)

I write religious poetry all the time. TT-TT It's this horrible "I'm agnostic but not really whatever lol" type of blargh. I mean, sometimes it's okay. I really like Biblical allusion poetry, like this. It's just so much fun! :la:
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:iconivorysinkshore:
ivorysinkshore Mar 11, 2013  Student Writer
You're welcome!

Hhahaha, nice. :XD: That's cool! :la: I just like really strange or cool religious poems.
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:icondragonschest:
DragonsChest Feb 8, 2013  Professional Writer
I like this poem... :thumbsup:
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:icontubefed:
tubefed Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks. :D
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:icondragonschest:
DragonsChest Feb 9, 2013  Professional Writer
:iconyellowsubmarine1plz::iconyellowsubmarine2plz::iconyellowsubmarine3plz::iconyellowsubmarine4plz: :iconwelcome1plz::iconwelcome2plz::iconwelcome3plz::iconwelcome4plz::iconsubmarine1plz::iconsubmarine2plz:
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:icontubefed:
tubefed Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh submarines...:icondistractedplz:...
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